Tea/Coffee Break = "Smoko"

There have been a lot of random things going on around here (and running through my head too), but I'll try to make this blog not so painfully difficult to read.

1. It's technically Thanksgiving, but since this isn't the United States, there is no big celebration. Sam and I couldn't even have a makeshift Thanksgiving dinner because there isn't any turkey sold in the stores, can you believe it? Not even turkey deli slices. I went to church this past weekend, and was talking to a couple about this (they've lived in Canada so they know about it). They think it's a good idea for a holiday, particularly for Christians, and sometimes they'll celebrate it, but only occasionally. They kept offering (half-jokingly) to go get me a turkey (meaning find one and kill it), and then switched over to, "well, turkeys are hard to find, so how about a peacock instead?" I didn't even realize it was today until Sam mentioned it. (I've also learned that although Canadians do celebrate it, it's not nearly with as much gusto as Americans, and it's also held in October. I wonder why.)

2. Christmas is coming up. I don't feel the excitement over it at all. Which is very depressing. Usually by now I'd be itching to hear the Christmas songs on the radio and getting all excited over the fact that it's holiday time. I love how the month of december makes everyone a bit happier (for the entire month), but the lack of cold weather is totally confusing me. Obviously we associate Christmas with snow, but here, they associate it with summer weather and outdoor barbeques. You don't know how many commercials I've seen talking about Christmas where people are dressed in summer clothes and are outside bbq-ing up a nice meal (and advertising barbeque grills for Christmas gifts).

3. My birthday is also coming up. Interestingly enough, I'll be turning 21. Back home of course we'd go out, get a few drinks, celebrate that way. Here it doesn't matter since even Sam's legal enough. So what do I do? Do I celebrate it anyway by buying one? Probably not. Not very fun, since it should be done with friends. Even if Sam and I were to grab a few, he can't drink since he promised someone he wouldn't drink at all. So it's weird. Also, it's supposed to be my "golden birthday" (you know, turning 21 on the 21st of the month). But whatever. Any ideas on how I should celebrate?

4. Obviously in the US, the three big sports are baseball, basketball, and football (not necessarily in that order). Here in NZ, the three big sports, in order, are rugby, netball, and cricket. What's really fascinating is that netball is only a woman's sport. I've never even heard of it before, but it's basically a mix between basketball and ultimate. My main opinion is that it's odd how two awesome sports can be combined to create a lame one, haha (although I admit that the championship final between NZ and OZ was pretty intense).

5. Any more pasta sauce/cream recipes? Thanks Boaz for yours, we'll have to try it out.

6. At work the other day I was working beside a Maori guy around my age. Halfway through the day, I realize that he's wearing a "Be the Reds" shirt! He had no idea what that shirt was about, and doesn't even know how he got it, but it was a pretty interesting moment as I told him about it. Dae Han Min Gook! Today I worked next to a Maori girl, also around my age, whose initial guess was that I was Chinese. No one ever guesses Japanese or Korean first. In fact, no one ever guesses Korean at all. Her second guess was Japanese, her third was Taiwanese, haha. I guess I look Chinese?

7. At least once a week, Sam complains about the lack of kimchee or kohchoojang. We found some soy sauce in a local indian grocery, and we can easily find rice, but let's admit it: it's not korean unless you've got kimchee and kohchoojang.

8. I went to church this week. It's called the Orchard (since the building was literally built on an orchard, and of course, because of the metaphorical meaning), and I don't think it really has a denomination. Very new (was built last year), it caters to families. Big families. Someone told me that the average family as 4 kids, and some have 7!

The way I got to this church is pretty interesting story:
I was working at the Indian restaurant, and of course, people like to ask where I'm from. A woman said that she'd gone to school in Chicago - the Moody Bible Institute. So after realizing that we were Christians, I asked about churches, and she and her husband both offered to give me a ride. Tim and Deb have four kids, Sarah, Anna, Becca, and James. Deb's originally from Canada (her mother's actually in town for 3 months currently, and I got to talk to her, which was nice, seeing as she's also from North America). The three youngest were all born in Canada (their family lived in Canada for 6 years, even Tim has citizenship now), and apparently James was adopted. He and Anna are the loudest and most outgoing. Anna is the active and talkative girl. James is the spoiled but cute, only son who grabs the attention of all the adults. Sarah's clearly the eldest (both in size and in demeanor), and Becca's the quiet simple one.

The first time I went, I was introduced to a woman named Liz. She's lived in the US (the Midwest, woot!) for 2 years, working with youth camps and such. She invited me over for lunch with her parents (? I think they're her parents, or maybe they're just neighbors who also go to church?). She also gave me a ride to the store, which was nice because I didn't have to lug my groceries by hand (it's a 10 minute walk). Des owns an engineering company that builds machinery for kiwi orchards (his wife Lynn is a retired nurse). Des's ears perked up when I mentioned that I was studying mechanical engineering, haha. Apparently NZ produces a lot of good engineers, but they get drawn away by other countries. They have a really great house, and they're building a pond in the backyard!

This past week I was invited to Tim and Deb's for lunch, and Tim grilled up the 7 snapper he caught the day before. It was a really good lunch, and I also got to meet another couple (and fellow Christians) Julie and Mike. They also have four kids, all under 12 years old. I spent almost the whole day there, got to see the cows being milked next door (next door being a 3 minute walk along a nonexistent path downhill) and picked a few avos (short for avocados) from their own orchard. They also stopped at a nearby orchard when driving me back to let me pick lots of oranges to take with me.

9. The church seems like a great community for families, but there are barely any people my age (and I gotta say, it's weird and totally unfamiliar to me that I'm the minority who sticks out like a sore thumb - and I mean really. There aren't even any Maori people, they're all white). Not a bad thing, but I've never really felt that before. The sermons are just "eh" but I've been listening to the 5 sermons I've got on my ipod. They're good, but I wish I had the whole series, and not just the first half.

On a serious note, I've been going through this "identity crisis" (helped along by the sermon series called "Rediscovering Jesus"). Being completely out of the familiar where no one knows anything about me and I'm left to really think about who I am, it's a hard time for me. It's not that I'm miserable, it's just that in this situation I'm forced to think about what it is that defines me. What gives me my self-worth. What it is that gives me a sense that I'm an okay person, a person worth knowing and being with. At home, it's easy to think that it's Christ alone, because I'm never in a situation where people don't know where I am, what I've done, what I can do. It's easy to think that I have confidence in myself because of Christ, but here, the foundation of my self-esteem is more exposed, and I can't help but dig deep down and face myself, stripped of the things the world sees.

I haven't been doing my quiet times, I haven't been meeting God at all. Instead I've been doing a lot of thinking about Jesus, about the Christian life, which is hardly the same. It's like dreaming about flying, knowing everything about the physics of flight, but being stuck on the ground. It's so close, but definitely not there. I feel like someone who's faced with the true gospel of Christianity, feels the truth of it in their soul, and yet is unable to take that final step to be born again. Not that I'm doubting my salvation, but I find myself unable to follow the life God calls me to. Unable and also, not knowing how to.

I guess this is what Sam must feel like, somewhat. But the difference between us is that God seems unwilling to let me go at this point. I know that God's timing for Sam is different than mine. Everyone knows Sam stopped going to church, that he's stopped trying, and has turned away for the time being. At times I want to turn away. Walk for a bit without Him, but I can't. I'm always just walking on the fence, and God won't let me fall on the other side, but I can't fall on His side either. Don't know what to do.

10. I didn't want to end the entry on a serious note, but I don't know what to write... hmm... Ooh! One of my former roommates has turned out to be sort of a thief! It's sad, because she seemed really nice and all, but two of my avos have gone missing (I've been leaving them out in my room so that they can ripen a bit more), and our other roommate informed me that her underwear had gone missing, and saw it sticking up out of the other girl's pants one night. Who steals underwear??

Also (in separate instances, probably unrelated to the avos and underwear), a couple of items of food have gone missing in the past. Sam's can of Fanta which he was saving for lunch one day disappeared, and one time Sam cooked me a sausage for lunch, which I stored in a container. The next morning the container was empty, sitting unnecessarily in the fridge. What the heck? Who steals a sausage? Cookies have gone too, but I think it's just Sam's and my inability to keep track of how many we each eat. Cookies I can understand, but a sausage? ::shakes head:: Psohn, after reading your latest xanga entry, I'm guessing you can understand my disappointment.